EBI:
- Organisation and presentation- topic sentences are weak and this really reduces the impact of the essay
- need to introduce quotes properly and ensure you analyse/ discuss their context.
- Research isnt good enough for top level: need more books, journals and media theories.
- You need to mention the other side of the argument- a few examples of male dominated films.
- Notable errors Gravity did not make $4 billion on its own.
- Need more footnotes : 30 plus
- NDM section is weak. could add so much more in terms of feminism (this would give you more media theory too)
Mark: 28
- I need to include more quotes from books, journals and magazines and make sure they all link by explaining them in the right context.
- Add more of media debates and theories such as feminism.
- I could include more examples of film, even the opposite of my critical investigation such as films with dominant males and how successful they were.
- Present the essay better than what it is, make each topic clear.
- Focus on the question after every paragraph.
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